How can I live life to contribute to the betterment of Earth’s life?  This question was ringing from my heartstrings while returning home from the September, 2010 IALRW Bicentennial Conference and still rings in my heart.  I have found so many of those bright IALRW women’s thoughts integrating into my daily core values ever since that September experience.  However, now, as I savor the rays of the brilliant moon coming through my window, I realize the Conference’s new insights I want to exercise are like the moon’s light, blocked into darkness by intermittently passing clouds.  

For the sake of recollection, I am defining how three of the Conference presenters affected my thinking so I can better become a woman of action.

Mrs. Tsewang Dolma Yokhang lives in Leh Ladakh, India.  Her community had been recently devastated by the Himalayan floods.  Dolma’s journey to the Conference was terribly arduous.  
I was so glad to be with my friend whom I have seen at every IALRW conference (but one) since 1993.  She works at the Ladakh Women’s Literacy Center, a long standing project IALRW helps to support.

“Peace means being one with life itself – having no fear or bitterness.”  Dolma’s presentation begins.  Her name for that precious state of being is a “kingdom of freedom.”  As a Unitarian Universalist, this resonates deeply since I most value my belief in the liberation of each person’s true, inner self to become interdependent for evolving toward a peaceful, Earth-friendly civilization.  To me that is “being one with life itself.”

Dolma’s paper is entitled “Presentation of Peace Education – Women’s Role.”  She describes peace education as being “directed to the full development of the human personality and to the strengthening of respect for human rights and fundamental freedoms.”  With “the process of acquiring the values, the knowledge and developing the attitudes, skills and behaviours to live in harmony with oneself, with others and with the natural environment.”  
Dolma talks about how a commitment to care for others, comes out of the quality of caring given to the student.  This rings true to me as an early childhood teacher, mother and grandmother.

Under her heading of “Women’s role as peace envoy,” Dolma goes to the matrix of women’s roles as mothers, wives and aunts for their ability to give “health, well-being and freshness to teaching enduring human values” and fulfilling a need for “rebuilding the key values of the family.”  This thought takes me to the Carol Flinders’ discourse on human’s natural living with “belonging values” as described in her Rebalancing the World.

Here are examples given by Dolma for IALRW women in action:
“Disarmament Education – Women have long denounced the scandal of colossal sums spent on arms to the detriment of social and development investments.  They make statements to the Conference on Disarmament and cooperate, locally with disarmament for development initiatives.

“Women perceive the links between equality, development and peace – There is no development possible without peace.  Destruction leads to refugee displacements, the land cannot be cultivated and populations are famished, deprived of their most fundamental rights.”

To be a woman of positive action, the central focus is to act out of one’s “enduring values.”  This centering gives freedom to express one’s own spark of life and self-respect.  Seek the women’s role in daily life as “peace envoy.”  Thank you for your wisdom, Dolma.

Beach remembered that when she was growing up in Cleveland, Ohio, some of her mother’s friends said there was a difference between “women’s work” and “men’s work.”  “Maybe it was housework versus brain work . . . but when my mother was forced to resign her teaching job because she married my father, who was employed, she joined the ranks of women whose work was unrecognized and unpaid.”  It was the Great Depression era in the U.S., and the policy of the schools was not to have teachers employed whose families had another source of income.

“Throughout the developing world,” Beach said, “women’s work is too often both unrecognized and unpaid.  Because sustainable livelihood is a precious portal to which women in the developing world have no key, they are caught in cycles of poverty and disenfranchisement.”

“Research has demonstrated that women’s sustainable livelihood is the key to many human rights for women.  Women with incomes they can count on can pressure governments and communities to provide better education and health care for their families.  More confident, they stand up against physical and sexual abuse.  They learn that when you are part of a movement you can learn and grow with one another; you become a force to be reckoned with.”

“First-world women,” she said, “have asked, ‘What can we do?’”  Rather than tell them what Unitarians and Universalists cannot do, compared with large foundations and other much larger faith-based groups, she begins by talking about what women can do.  She said, “We have a history of working together as committed women of action dedicated to changing human rights for women.  We may be smaller than some groups, but we know the drill; we know how to do this, and we are passionate about it.”

“Our members and friends are personally engaged in direct action to improve women’s lives.  We open ourselves to be transformed by this collaborative work, sharing our goals and our stories with one another to build ‘best practices’ and stimulate entrepreneurial leadership. In short, we listen to our partners and friends in Transylvania, the Philippines, North East India, and Africa—wherever abuse, trafficking, and locked doors block women from the access they need.”

“Central to our work are our website, online database, and communications network.   Think of the process as a loop.  We listen; we respond with support, processes, and modest technical assistance.   We talk with each other, sharing our stories. We learn from the people with whom we work.  We are educated and transformed.  The world changes.  Even if it is a fraction of an inch at a time, the world changes.”  And quoting from an African woman, whose story she told, she added, “Yes, this will be difficult—perhaps very difficult.  But yes.  Yes, we can do this.  Yes! Yes!”

Barbara was recently elected president of the International Convocation of Unitarian Universalist Women.  Membership, and Board and Advisory Board membership, are growing to represent the many groups who want to help chart a new course for women’s rights worldwide.  

“The International Convocation of Women (ICUUW),” she said, “is an organization of women’s organizations from around the world.” Major Unitarian Universalist national and international organizations were represented at its 2009 Convocation in Houston, Texas—over 630 women from 17 countries and from 38 states in the U.S.A.

“When we join together as liberal religious women, affirm a decision-making process wherein there are neither winners nor losers, and commit to supporting programs that enable women’s rights and sustainable livelihood, we help nurture the lives of other women—and of our own life.  We deepen our spiritual awareness and we learn every day.”

Plans are now being made for an ICUUW Convocation in Transylvania in the fall of 2012. Ongoing projects in Transylvania, the Philippines, Africa, and North and South America are posted on the website.  She concluded, “The way to connect is on the Women’s Convocation website, http//:www:icuuw.com.  Everyone is welcome.”  

Barbara Kres Beach, who is President of the International Convocation of Unitarian Universalist Women (ICUUW), lives in Falls Church, Virginia.  You can reach her via email at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

Emails can be exciting, exasperating, exhausting, entertaining, enticing and yes, enlightening.  Now that I have run out of any more words beginning with the letter “e,” let me tell you about one that I recently received from the Rev. Richard Boeke, husband of our former president, Jopie Boeke, that was enlightening. 

It was a charming video download showing us an interview with His Holiness, the Dalai Lama, and the Brazilian theologian, Leonardo Boff.  They were both sharing a roundtable discussion about religion and freedom, a topic dear to the heart of our conference and the coming Congress of the International Association for Religious Freedom. 

During the recess the Professor asked the Dalai Lama (slightly maliciously, but also with interest), “Your Holiness, what is the best religion?”  He thought that the Dalai Lama would say, “The Tibetan Buddhism religion, or the oriental religions, which are much older than Christianity.”  The Dalai Lama paused, and smiled...(Doesn’t he always smile when he knows the answer?) and looked the Professor in the eye.  (The smile, we can assume and the Professor realized, was a realization of the slight malice behind the question.)  “The best religion is the one that gets you closest to God.  It is the one that makes you a better person.”  

Dr. Boff then asked with a serious heart, “What is it that makes me better?  What would you say today, sitting here in this land of spiritual gurus and its ancient tradition of spiritual wisdom?  What is it that makes you better?”

His Holiness answered  “Whatever makes you…. More compassionate... More sensible... More detached... More loving... More humanitarian... More responsible.... More ethical....   The religion that does that for you is the best religion.”

Wouldn’t we, like Professor Boff,  marvel at the answer and ponder for a moment about its wisdom and then ask,  “Is this what my religion does for me?” 

And then the Dalai Lama continued, “I am not interested, my friend, in your religion or if you are religious or not.  What really is important to me is your behavior in front of your peers, family, work, community and in front of the world.  Remember the universe is the echo of our actions and our thoughts.  The law of action and reaction is not exclusively for physics.  It is also of human relations.  If I act with goodness, I receive goodness. If I act with evil, I will get evil.  What our grandparents told us is the pure truth.  You will always have what you desire for others.  Being happy is not a matter of destiny.  It is a matter of options.”

Finally, he said:

          “Take care of your thoughts because they become words.
           Take care of your words because they become actions.
           Take care of your actions because they will become habits.
           Take care of your habits because they will form your character.
           Take care of your character because they will form your destiny.
           And your destiny will be your life and
           There is no religion higher than the Truth.”

Doesn’t this remind you of that ancient Chinese wisdom,

  “If there is to be peace in the world, there must be peace in the nations. 

   If there is to be peace in the nations, there must be peace in the cities. 

   If there is to be peace in the cities, there must be peace between neighbors. 

   If there is to be peace between neighbors, there must be peace in the home. 

   If there is to be peace in the home, there must be peace in the heart.”

The International Association for Liberal Religious Women (IALRW) and the International Association for Religious Freedom (IARF) are ideal models of the Dalai Lama’s wisdom.  For one hundred years the IALRW has worked to be an instrument of religious cooperation and support for those who struggle for religious freedom.  It has not been easy, but here we are, one hundred years later, affirming our commitment to religious cooperation. 

As women we have always understood, this begins with interpersonal relationships and not abstract ideals that soar over the heads of human beings.  Our former presidents have affirmed this with their commitment to being present as person-to-person, without letting religious or cultural differences interfere with this ideal. 

Natalie Gulbrandsen, faithful lifetime member of IALRW and IARF, enjoyed answering - with great glee - the question about what was unique about this interfaith group, whether the IALRW or IARF.   She said, “We meet one another, get to know one another as human beings…our families, our work, our special loves…and then we begin the work of religious cooperation with one another.”   It was her special gift to model this Truth.  “There is no religion higher than Truth.”  

It is our special gift as members of the IALRW to model this Truth as we meet together here in India, joining in circle groups, eating together, and sharing the challenges of being women in this world, where there is discrimination and hatred toward women.  And what a challenge - when girls of this world are being refused education, having no choice of marital relationships, being sold as sexual slaves.

I remember several occasions when the women of IALRW were the models of  religious cooperation, reaching beyond the barriers of religion, culture and religious hatred. 

We met as women before the 1996 Congress in South Korea as guests of the Won Buddhists Association.  One evening as a cultural exchange, the women of Japan dressed in the traditional kimono of the Korean women, while the Korean women dressed in the traditional kimono of the Japanese women.  It was a moment of aesthetic loveliness as the women came forth to illustrate the beauty of both traditions, but what a statement was being made! 

Here in that personal interchange of lovely kimonos, the women were saying that the hatred between those nations, Japan and Korean, could be transcended symbolically by the exchange of a traditional dress.  Isn’t that so simple and so profound!  I remember seeing those lovely women of Japan and Korea sharing their traditional dress and thinking, if only we women of the world would take a moment to share our traditional ways of dress, saying to one another, "yes, this is what we can share without fear and without hatred." 

That moment - when those women from Korea and Japan moved into shared space and saw each other smiling and saying, "How beautiful you look"…that moment was the fulfillment of  the dream of our sisters one hundred years ago.  

I will always remember that evening and the feeling that, in spite of all the years that separate us, we have those moments of human relationships that transcend time and space, and indeed, all the misunderstanding and the cultural distance that exists between us.

Religious cooperation is not easy.  There are so many factors that divide us into our cultural enclosures and prejudices, but that is where the wisdom of the Dalai Lama speaks to us.  It is really so simple.  We must ask the simple questions:

When does our religion give us the motivation to be persons of faith and not persons affirming religious dogmas that separate and divide us? 

When does our religion give us the motivation to be persons of compassion, understanding, sensibility, commitment? 

When does our religion help us to be better women and men? 

Yes, those are simple questions, but difficult personal challenges.  Perhaps 100 years of the International Association for Liberal Religious Women might help us to give an answer. 

Can you name women of the past who were models answering these questions with their personal testimonies? 

Are there not women here today who could answer this question:  What is the essence of religious cooperation?  Looking around this audience I can see the answer!  We are so blessed by their presence among us.

At a workshop given at the 1996 Congress, we were asked to participate in a ritual where we placed one stone on an ancestral table honoring a person (ancestor) who had influenced our lives.  One young woman, a Won Buddhist minister, stood up and told us about the strict Confucian ethics that dominated her family, as it does all traditional Korean families.  She planned to follow her parents’ wishes - to marry and have children, especially sons, to continue the ancestral tradition of her husband. 

During her university years and having joined the Won Buddhists, she felt another demand upon her life, to become a Won Buddhist minister, a remarkable vocation for women in this lay-led Buddhist organization.  This was not easy decision - since women ministers are required to be celibate.  The men do not need to take this vow as ministers - indicating perhaps that lingering Confucian tradition of the importance of a male lineage.

The conflict between her new spiritual life and the demands of her Confucian family tradition caused her terrible inner turmoil.  Finally she shared her dilemma with her brother.  He told her that, like the great herons flying above the earth, she had spiritual wings that could lift her above any external demand and become what she wished.  With these words of encouragement she took the vows of celibacy, and became a Won Buddhist minister.  As she placed her stone on the ancestral table, tears filled her eyes and we all felt the power of her spiritual wings as she thanked her brother for that image of wings and flight.

This is what the women of IALRW have been doing for 100 years…giving their sisters and themselves the courage, the support, and the love to soar above discrimination and hatred…finding those spiritual wings that free the self from the chains of limitation and fear. 

Isn’t that the essence of religious cooperation?  It is to be there for one another, enabling one another, and in the words of the Dalai Lama, to be:

        “More compassionate... More sensible... More detached... More loving...

         More humanitarian... More responsible... More ethical. 

         The religion that does that for you is the best religion.” 

And, we may add, that is the best religious cooperation possible.  May we be witnesses to this ideal so that 100 years hence, women will gather again in this spirit, to celebrate and to remember.

It is our sad duty to inform IALRW members of the deaths recently of two of our long-time and most active members:  Janjse Sick-Verhout and Nelly de Rooij, both of the Netherlands, and both of whom we had expected to hear speak at our recent Centennial Celebration in Kochi, Kerala, India.

Our Secretary from the Netherlands, Janjse Sick-Verhout, died of breast cancer on June 25, 2010.  Condolences may be sent to her daughter, Margriet Sick via email at MSI @ srk.nl

Another beloved member, Nelly de Rooij, died of heart failure in the hospital in early September.  Condolences may be sent to her nephew, Jan Janse at jhjanse @ hetnet.nl

We hold them both dearly in our thoughts and prayers, and they were both missed very much at our meeting in India.

_____________

"IN MEMORIAM"

Past President of the IALRW, Rev. Jopie Boeke, sent us this poem, which Nelly wrote in honor of the IALRW's 100th Anniversary this year, 2010:

 

        "IALRW - 100 Years"

We live and we are happy members.

Life was like a labyrinth, an endless path.

We started together and our way became a dynamic one.

We planted our thoughts of friendship.

Our journey went with our broad views to bring the living water for all who do need.

The Spirit leads to the centre and makes healers.

That is life, a song, and unforgettable words,

They keep us going, already 100 years.

 

                                by Dr. Nelly de Rooy-Janse, President IALRW 1987-1990

                                                          and past Newsletter Editor

___________            

Here are several memories and thoughts from those who have known them well, and a "Message from Nelly" (at the end of this article):

From Helen Popenoe (who gave the Opening Address at the IALRW Conference in India, because Nelly was unable to attend):

"Can-Do Nelly!

What strong loyalty Nelly had for IALRW’s work!  Her spirit will be with us every time we meet as women in action.  An example of Nelly’s indomitable drive to be involved in whatever we would plan to do together, is in my memory from when we had our conference in South Korea.

We met each day at a lovely Buddhist nunnery.  When it came time to attend a program of traditional drumming, we learned we had to climb up many flights of stairs in order to reach the top floor where the performance was to be held.  Nelly’s badly injured legs (from a terrible car accident in which her husband had been killed) were not capable of climbing that many stairs.

The nuns found a strong, young man who agreed to carry Nelly up all the stairs on his back!  Just being in that piggy- back position hurt Nelly; I’m sure.  Still, she had the willpower and courage to make the climb up, up, up and up!  A group of us IALRW’ers walked behind Nelly in case the young man fell.  It was a mammoth job, but he never tripped and never, even, stopped to rest.

Oh, what a joyful relief it was to have the climb end.  Hard as it was, Nelly did it!"

______

From President Kathy Matsui to Jansje's family:

"In ways big and small, Janjse’s life changed our world and left it a better place, and touched too many hearts to ever be forgotten. We will miss Jansje.  Her contribution
to IALRW will never be forgotten."

_______

From Christine Hayhurst, Past President of IALRW:

"Nelly De Rooy-Janse -

Nelly de Rooy was a devoted and dedicated member of IALRW.  She served the organisation with enthusiasm and commitment as President and editor of the newsletter.  Yet the greatest manifestation of her commitment to the ideals of the organisation was in driving forward the IALRW literacy and development project for women in Ladakh, where she was pleased to visit and see work in progress on a number of occasions.  She will be remembered with affection and appreciation for her contribution on several fronts, and especially by the women whose lives she helped to enhance in that remote part of the world."

"Jansje Sick-Vernhout -

Jansje was an exceedingly able Secretary and local treasurer for Europe.  Her quiet efficiency and no-nonsense approach led to the smooth running of many a meeting.  She could always be counted upon to carry through with her commitments, and her cheery personality made her a welcome presence at conferences.  She was a joy to work with, and she will be missed."

___________

From Jopie Boeke, previous President of IALRW:

"I found Jansje to be a delightful and competent woman, always ready to help, sensitive to the feelings and customs of different cultures and customs, and above all, a devoted mother and grandmother! 

Nelly was truly devoted to the mission and purpose of IALRW.  She loved and respected the people of the whole world and the places where they lived.  She respected their traditions and customs, and rejoiced in celebrating them together.  She touched the lives of many across the world, and we shall all miss her."

__________

And from Rev. Dr. Doris Hunter, past leader of the U.S. Chapter of IARF:

Nelly & Jansje -

"What words can possibly describe the devotion and love you both had for IALRW and IARF!  You both were such an inspiration to me with your commitment not only to religious freedom, but also to that amazing social outreach extending way beyond the borders of your homeland.  It is hard to imagine IALRW without your presence, but we, who knew you and loved you, will always sense your spirit motivating us to continue living your ideals of compassion for those who are in need, and for those who cherish the connection with IALRW!  We are so enriched by your lives! 

______

And, now, "A MESSAGE FROM NELLY," that she had planned to give as the Opening Address at the IALRW Meeting in Kochi, Kerala, India in September:

"One has to be brave to go back in history.

We try to focus on how it became an important part in one's life.  It was, for me, the Oxford Conference in 1977, at the first IALRW conference I attended.  Introduced by Ank Faber, we went there and had a great time.  Ank was nominated to be Vice-President of IALRW.  As usual in English countries, the candidate has to be introduced by a member.  President Carolyn Howlett suggested the name of a member, but Ank said, "No, Nelly will do that."

And there I was, and I did it (I was very shy), and Ank was elected.  That was my first start in our organization.  It was, as we know now, good and forever.  It was just what lived in me.

Going back in history, we must go much farther back than 100 years.  Our 100 years in the IALRW have been very important for women, and for all people on the planet.  But there was another time before that, and in that time was formed what we women know and how we act.  There we meet Inanna, a Goddess, who tried to remind women of what came before.  From the beginning of her own life, we know her, as she is pictured in this terra-cotta relief.

Together with two owls (symbolizing wisdom), two lions (for safety), two wings (freedom), and standing on a snake (showing direction).  She went back in her life, and had to pass seven gates.  At every gate, she had to leave an important part of herself.  Until she was back at the start, her start.  Inanna lived in about 2500 B.C. (over 4500 years ago).

If we go down into our memories, as we try to do on this day, we meet again interesting people and come to know that our womanly thoughts are not completely new. They were actualized in earlier centuries, and they actually existed, even though they stayed there.  However, those thoughts have been kept as an ideal, because our ancient Goddess Inanna was, in her own time, thinking about the emancipation of women.

And during our part of history, these past 100 years, emancipation has been an item too.  We have had to argue for our place in our communities, and we succeeded on many occasions.

We are respectful of our sisters in the world, and we helped lend them a hand.  We never allowed any one of us to think we were better than the others.  We are sisters.

We know that every person is unique, and can do something special, sometimes better than others.  But together we are able to do much more than we can do alone.  So we inspire our sisters to respect themselves and the customs of their own countries and those of their sisters.

During the past 100 years, we have had many most interesting conferences, where we have met women from around the world.  We learned about their ways of life and their religions."

And, thanks to the examples of women like Nelly, and the many members of the IALRW who have done so much good in the world over the past 100 years, we hope to continue this work and these friendships into the next 100 years, and beyond!  Thank you, Nelly, for your wonderful example of IALRW sisterhood!